till death do us apart

Embracing Fear.
With an open heart.
Inviting him in.
I take his hat and coat, and say:
Just make yourself at home.
I am at home, he replies.
Very well, I say.
We sit down, and I serve warm tea with peppermint.

I cannot notice his black eyes.
Very obviously full of intentions.
My naïve politeness tells him my past and future.
While he paralyzes all my words and fills them with despair.
What an unfriendly thing to do after I served tea.

Then he kisses me.
His hopelessness infiltrates my breathing system.
I usually never kiss on a first date.
Fear breaks all my intensely imagined walls of protection,
And dives into my soul.
Seals my heart with impenetrable anxiety.
Beats it up with irregular punches.
He makes me feel way too much alive.

Cookies, I ask desperately.
Although I fear it is too late.
Fear smiles and puts a ring on my finger.
Dedication, he says.
Distraction, please help me, I whisper.
Lifelong dedication, he demands.
But Distraction never turns up at appropriate moments.

Fear kisses me a second time.
Then he moves in with all his friends.
While I stand hopelessly holding their coats and hats.
And fear life even more than death.
Hoping to wake up by drinking stronger coffee.

ny type dag

Det var ikke før jeg hadde kokt ferdig egget mitt, at jeg oppdaget at jeg ikke var i ferd med å lage speilegg. Der hadde jeg hengt ved kjøkkenbenken, med fatet, kniven, gaffelen, bordsaltet, og ikke minst en forventningsfull og ferdigsmurt brødskive, klar. Tålmodig som jeg er, hadde jeg lydig stått og ventet på egget i 7 minutter og 45 sekunder, og det var ikke før jeg begynte å helle kaldtvann på det, at jeg kom på at jeg faktisk ikke hadde et stekt egg å legge på min ferdigsmurte brødskive. Egget var bløtkokt, og ikke bare til å skjære i skiver for å legge dem i et pent og pyntelig mønster. Skal si jeg var arg. Og litt forvirret. Overrasket, ja, jeg skal si jeg var overrasket over at noen dager er faktisk sånne dager. Det visste jeg ikke, at sånne dager også eksisterer. Så lærte jeg vel noe den dagen med.